What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
10.06.2025 01:10
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
My life is so biszare .
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
Microsoft belatedly attempts to tame USB-C confusion with its rules for PC OEMs - Ars Technica
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
I was scared of men, in general
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
Im still living with it.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
What would you do if you found out that someone had broken into your home while you were sleeping?
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
As i do to all so called friends.?
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
What is the meanest thing your husband has said to you?
Ive learnt so much.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
'The Life of Chuck' might leave you brushing away tears — or scratching your head - NPR
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
Speech by Governor Kugler on the economic outlook and monetary policy - Federal Reserve Board (.gov)
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
PoGO This Week (June 2-8): G-Max Rillaboom, Groudon Raids & GO Fest JC - Pokémon GO Hub
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
On the 31st of Jan this month .
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
Why do the majority of feminists hate men (not all feminists)?
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
Do you have any fantasies you are ashamed of?
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
Why do some people believe that Homelander would be no match for Superman or Thor?
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
Microsoft will finally stop bugging Windows users about Edge — but only in Europe - The Verge
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
But ive been too sick for many years..
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
It was going to be , some day.
Was to survive, this bastard.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
I could never make a relationship work though!
We all went to grammer schools
She married twice! .
I don,t even have a pension.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
I was 9 years of age.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
I never cut or harmed myself..
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
But it wasn’t much.
So, i spoilt her more .
But, we were locked up after school.
Would this be the day?
So whats the point in blame.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
I was very sick at this time too.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
I couldn’t, believe it.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
Comes on , in middle age.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
My family never makes their pension either.
Especially a lifetime of it.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
What did i know ?
This is how, and why children get BPD.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
Why did i forgive my father ?
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
This is soul school!.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
I was seconnd youngest,
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
(And it was in our own minds.)
I will be 64.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
He knew the spot.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
I said to her
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
I think the readers, may guess!
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
Who then, do I blame.?
All the time i was locked up.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
She was in good health!
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
She wouldn,t have been !
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
When she asked me how she looked .
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
I write beautiful poetry .
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
I have no regrets .
She loved him until the end.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
She found it foreign!.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
Put me off passion for life!!
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
One cannot live in the past .
I did it because my mum asked me too!
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
He resisted the act ,that day.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
He was dying to do it , i knew.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
I waited trembling.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
And i lived it daily.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
We were not on the streets..